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Stay Home:
An Inadvertent Ode to Pizza

By Lily Crooks

Twenty years ago I didn’t believe in online pizza. It was an allegory for loneliness and isolation in an increasingly dystopian existence.

      When Sandra Bullock’s Internet pizza arrives in The Net (1995) she eats it with a coffee cup full of M&M’s as her computer drones: “NO ONE LEAVES THE HOUSE ANYMORE. NO ONE HAS SEX.” When I saw this film at age twelve, I thought something like:

     I hope my computer never talks to me like that.

     Followed shortly by:

     I hope Mom called on our telephone and ordered pizza because hahaha you could never order pizza on the computer. The computer is for solitaire.

     I look at Sandra’s solo setup now and, hey, maybe her droning computer was on to something. Replace her cartoonish “cyber chat room” with Netflix, and she is living my Fridays. And my Saturdays. And Tuesdays. Except nowadays, of course, it’s pizza and M&M’s Friday, Chinese food Saturday, anything I can think of to order on Tuesdays. The possibilities are far beyond pizza. And as it turns out, it’s not dystopian to order online. It’s magical. Who talks on a phone anymore? The phone is so 1995. Just type out your specifics, track your order, tip in advance, and, don’t worry, your BiteSquad driver doesn’t really want to talk to you either. The last time BiteSquad dropped food at my house (it was three orders of juicy buns from Szechuan Spice) the delivery guy pulled my order out of a duffle bag full of other people’s food, thrust it at me and was marching toward his car before I finished saying, “Have a nice night.” I never saw his face; he was hunched over his phone getting the address for his next delivery.

     

About the Author

Lily Crooks is a writer and person in Minnesota. She is currently pursuing her Master’s degree in creative writing at Hamline University in St. Paul. When she isn’t writing or reading, she can be found around the Twin Cities knitting, singing karaoke, or falling off of her bicycle. This is her first publication.

 

 

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